Why Do Relationships Wither and Die?


The Incredible, Shrinking Relationship
Why Do Relationships Wither and Die?
Relationships shrink.

They get smaller and smaller until there’s no room to breathe.
Then, you must break out, or go crazy.

Have you ever felt like that?
If you can get past the pain and frustration and sadness, ask yourself how something rich and alive fell apart.

We may try to blame every problem on someone else, but the truth is more complicated.

We are not powerless. The decay of a relationship is not inevitable.
Are you a player in your own life, or does everything just happen to you?

Are personal growth and personal development real to you, or just words?

Everything changes.
It’s up to you to shape that change.

Or you will be unhappy with the results.


Abundant Relationships
Where do you find abundance in relationships?

Do we make our relationships small, old, tired, and endlessly the same, or do we look for ways to fill our relationships with wonder?

Do you look at the one outside your skin and think she is small and familiar and predictable?

Or do you dream the possibility that is dancing within her and around her!
Do you feel the abundance all around her and within her?

Relationships begin with possibility.
The other person is unknown and wonderful.

And in that newness, you feel that anything is possible for her and for you.

That’s the key.
An abundant relationship is filled with possibility for each of you.

You’ll find abundance dancing around others when you can see it dancing around yourself.

Abundance is around you and within you.
You can find abundance in almost anything, even in things that are physical.
But it takes the right attitude to feel it.

As William Blake said:
”To see a world in a grain of sand,
And a heaven in a wild flower,
Hold infinity in the palm of your hand,
And eternity in an hour.”

You can find endless possibility in the smallest place or thing or time.
And it is so much easier to see a person as infinite.

There are worlds beyond worlds within each of us.

But we live in a physical world, where things and even people seem to have boundaries.

Yes we have to pay the bills, change the diapers, and take out the garbage.
But when our relationships are centered on these actions as ends in themselves, as though abundance has vanished from the world, our relationships will shrink and disappear.

Our attitude can imprison us within the apparent boundaries and make everything and everyone small.
Or we can dance among infinities.

Possibility comes within reach of your mind and heart when you connect one little place or thing or time to the endless world around us.

One moment is a note in a symphony of time.
One place is a brush of color on a huge canvas.

And one person is a window into an endless series of worlds.
The possibility is born when one thing takes its place in relationship to the immense world around it.


Giving and Taking: A Dance of Energy
What is this relationship that we speak of that connects one thing or person to the world?
It’s a flow.

But that sounds too weak and random.

Imagine a great wave of energy that reaches out to each of us, like waves breaking on the shoreline.

Then imagine another great wave coming from each of us and bursting out upon the world around us.

Waves upon waves from an infinity of points slowly build up a great glowing, sparkling web.

This is closer to the image of flow and connection that I have in mind.

In this web of relationship, everything gives and takes, broadcasts and receives, influences and is influenced.

The world often focuses on our shortcomings as givers, saying that our relationships will crumble if we love taking too much.

Ah, and to be a giver, doesn’t that force my partner to be a taker?
Isn’t that a problem for her?

We’re looking at a great series of flows in isolation, and we’re getting mixed up.
It’s not the direction of any one flow that matters.

What we need is a rich web of energy that flows back and forth between us to build and maintain a healthy relationship.

And to keep our relationships young and powerful, what we exchange must be more than tiny things and moments, morsels of food within our cages.

We must exchange possibility.
We must give and take from each other the invitation to a world without visible boundaries, a rich, abundant world which calls to all of us.



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  1. Are You Hiding From Your Dreams?
  2. Why Do Relationships Wither and Die?
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4 comments to Why Do Relationships Wither and Die?

  • A wonderful message:
    …’We must give and take from each other the invitation to a world without visible boundaries, a rich, abundant world which calls to all of us..’

    Thanks Joel, for sharing your insights.I admire your farsightedness.
    God bless.

  • I couldn’t agree with you more. Part of optimizing how well the law of attraction works is being able to love ourselves first before we can properly use the LOA to have a great relationship and taking a closer look at what is programmed into our subconscious mind. I wrote a bit about it if anyone wants to check it out:

    http://lovelifeandthelawofattraction.blogspot.com/

  • “It’s a flow.”

    Life and relationships should be more than just give and take. I think that in order to be happy you have to actually ‘enjoy’ giving to your partner. IN return they enjoy giving to you. in the end it is a happy cycle – not an effort or burden to keep the flow going.

    Thank you for the article… it was an interesting read.

  • belleverano

    I’m currently having a status as somebody’s FWB,
    why should I regret, my feeling’s gone deeper, he’s the type of basically cold-hearted.
    But here, a voice inside my heart keeps telling me to just get along with the whole circumstances no matter how hard they could be, still the possibilities exist, miracles will come, if I hold them all inside my faith.
    Sometimes it’s painful if I see it on the common perspective–the usual system of thinking that everybody would use.
    But again, there’s always a constant light that seen as we want to see it, it’s relativity. I use my own, I see possibilities my way, and with faith that meant to be shaken and dreams to waver, I dare to hold them tight with everything that lives up my passion for love, faith, hopes and glory.
    Thank you, Joel for creating this website, I find so much deeper meanings of myself, and Law of Attraction should be renamed “Law of You”.

    Thanks a lot

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