Is It Normal to Hurt Others?

More than you can stand.

Do you think that you’re emotionally healthy?
Do you have moments where you strike out at others verbally or physically?
It’s amazing how we’ve all been hypnotized into believing that attacking others verbally is perfectly normal and healthy.

Some of us believe that we’re doing just fine, and those unpleasant moments don’t really matter.

The truth is that we all have moments when the weight of our lives threatens to crush us.
We may not think about it that way. But in a moment, something within us says, enough, and anger or bitterness comes roaring out of us.

It may be a single overwhelming moment, or a combination of dozens or hundreds of moments, reaching back through the years.

There’s no absolute standard of what’s unbearable.
Failure, criticism, and embarrassment commonly cause us pain.
Two people may encounter the same words or the same criticism, yet they experience the intensity of the pain differently. One may not even feel pain at all.

Some people bear the most difficult circumstances and people with calm, nearly untouched by events that would destroy others.
And then, there are people who find ordinary activities emotionally painful, and almost impossible to live with.

The question is, which experiences cause you pain?

And when does the pain of one experience, or the collective pain of events take you to the point where you have to do something to release that pain?

And even when released, does the pain go away?
Or does it just slide under the surface, waiting for only a drop of new pain to make it burst forth.

How Do You Try to Release Your Pain?

When the inner pain is too much, do you strike out at the most convenient target?
Or does pain leak out from you most of the time, in the guise of a bitterness that covers everything?

When we attack others, verbally or physically, it is because we are in pain.
But did that person cause the pain, or was she just in the wrong place at the wrong time?

And if people vary widely in their sensitivity to pain, what does it mean to cause pain?
Who is responsible for the pain? Is it the one who is unusually sensitive, and easily hurt? Or, is it the one who knew that the other person was sensitive, and still spoke in an ordinary way that causes her pain?

In a world where each person seeks to perfect herself, I look for what I can do without trying to change anyone else.

Inner growth is tied to my sense of responsibility, and what I can accomplish without blaming others. If I know what causes pain to others, and I can readily avoid being a source of pain, it’s up to me to act in the appropriate way.

And then, as someone who suffers pain, it’s up to me to be responsible for my own pain.
There is no law, no cosmic force that requires me to give over my personal power to anyone. I do not have to hand a weapon to someone and say, “Here. I give you the power to hurt me.”

I do not have to feel lasting pain, and be injured from the emotional attacks of others. The intensity of the pain is affected by the way I think about it.

And the pain can come like the stab of a thorn, and disappear, if I learn to let it go.
But we hold onto our pain like a treasure. We won’t let it go, and it circles within us, like a wound that won’t heal, drifting into and out of our awareness.

The lasting effects of those moments of pain are something that we can work on. We can learn to release that pain so it causes little injury, and then disappears completely.

Where Does the Pain Go?
What can I do to let go of all the pain within me?

Here’s the hard part.
If you have mental health issues, it’s unlikely you can face it on your own. You need help in choosing and applying the appropriate therapy.

For the rest of us, you may often need the experience and relative objectivity that a therapist provides.

When you look for a therapeutic modality, realize that there are methods that want to help you quickly release your pain, and don’t require you to swim in it.

There are many therapies that are useful here. Some like cognitive therapy help you change the way you think in the presence of pain.

Along with other methods, NLP, the Sedona Method, and the energy therapies like EFT and EmoTrance can help you change the way you relate to old pain and trauma.

What will your life be like when you finally release that old pain, so it is not awakened again and again, by everyday struggles?

These therapies can also help you change the way you relate to new situations.

You might think that we’re suggesting a solution that requires you to become cold like a stone, unfeeling and insensitive. The goal is not to eliminate your emotions, but to let them come and go, without getting stuck in endless circles of pain and attacks.

It feels sometimes like our emotions seem to get frozen within us, as though a powerful river had been dammed up, unable to flow to the sea, and it seeks temporary explosive release wherever it can find it.

The energy therapies, EmoTrance in particular, can help you learn to relate to your emotions in a whole new way – as energy, which flows, and then, is completely released.

4 comments to Is It Normal to Hurt Others?

  • What a great question!
    I can see how when we were younger, we were careless in with our words and some have been careless with their fists.

    I hope that as we age wisdom takes hold and we heed it’s advice.

    That there are better ways of dealing with life’s frustrations and hurts than hurting another.

    My favorite saying is I wish that the word revenge was obliterated from our vocabulary.


  • I used to lash out as matter of self-protection. You see when on the attack you’re less vulnerable yourself. I think it became self-defense mechanism I built as a child.

    As a teenager I used violence at times, as I got older it was verbal or passive agressive.

    After many years of hard personal development work, I now recognize when I am about to attack and I can usually stop myself.

    It is freaky how I can now look back and see what I couldn’t see then.

  • Yup, it is sad that sometimes we keep all those feelings traped in our bodies, minds and spirits,… this is what really gives birth to sickness, all those tought then feelings and then words and actions and reactions staying in our bodies keep building up as a cancer, clothing our energy channels, separating us every day more of our Universal destiny. Thank you for sharing your thoughts! great blog keep the good Job!

  • Oh that was wonderfully written!

    I personally used anger and *sharp tongue* to those that would *hurt* me. I was always known as someone you “don’t wanna cross”.

    Until I had some awesome training that really assisted me in learning that my anger and sometimes cruelty to those I thought deserved it – was just a mask.

    I really do love and care for others. Even when they may do something I think isn’t too nice. Now I just know it’s okay – it doesn’t effect me. I just love em anyway.

    But – that took me 39 years of my life to get to. ;)

    Again, great read.


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