Worse Than Death?
Have you ever heard the famous statistic that more people are afraid of public speaking than of death?
I remember a time in 4th grade when I stood up in class to give a book report. I was so nervous that I turned white and could hardly speak.
The teacher had pity on me and told me to sit down.
(When I was much older, I got over my nervousness, and I’ve spoken calmly before hundreds of people.)
When we’re embarrassed, we experience a little death. Our image of ourself is temporarily shattered.
We’ve all felt embarrassed, so this little death is real to us, and undeniable.
We commonly hide from the reality of our own “big death” that will come at some distant time, so it’s often unreal to us.
My personal favorite joke about death is Woody Allen’s line: “It’s not that I’m afraid to die. I just don’t want to be there when it happens!”
As much as we hide from death, and pretend it doesn’t exist, we’re still frightened by it.
Why?
If you are someone who fears death, even a little, think about the possibility of your death for a moment. Pay attention to your thoughts and feelings.
Do you fear the pain and discomfort that surrounds death?
Do you fear what you imagine existence after death will be like?
Some people imagine they will be trapped in some unchanging, horrible, inescapable existence (as though they would be trapped alive, forever unmoving and out of control).
For me, it’s the feeling of regret for missed opportunities.
When I come to the end of my life, will I feel that I’ve explored my potential, discovered something of who I am, and made a difference in the world? Or will I be regretting the times that I gave up, or gave in?
Will I be longing for opportunities to be, do, and have more, opportunities that have longed passed and will never come again?
Dreams of Death
Have you ever had a dream where you died?
And woke up sweating, heart-pounding at the moment of death.
There’s an old wives’ tale that if you die in your dreams, you really die.
It’s true that most people wake up at the moment in their dreams when they are about to die, but a few don’t.
When I was in college, I had a series of dreams where I died,
and I didn’t wake up
In one I watched my funeral, floating above the crowd, wondering why everyone was making such a big deal about it.
In another, I woke up from my death in a human-like body, covered with golden fur, in some kind of deep-space medical facility/halfway house for the recently dead.
I used to think that I was some kind of freak for having such dreams.
Then I found out that others have them.
Those that write about the meaning of dreams, suggest that dreams about death are typically about dramatic change that’s needed in our lives.
Death is THE symbol of major change.
Fear of Change
What is so frightening about change?
Ask yourself, “How often do I feel 100% ready to meet the challenges that life offers?” Change is frightening beyond measure when I feel inadequate to face unpredictable, unscripted challenges. Is it any wonder that sometimes I cling desperately to the life I know, and want it all to stay familiar and unchanging.
But there’s even more to it than that.
Change is unthinkable if I don’t know who am I, and my definition of self is tied up with a hundred little details about what I believe, feel, say, and do.
If I changed, then I’d be someone unfamiliar, someone unknown, someone unpredictable.
And yet, I can’t make up my mind.
Other times I’m desperately seeking to change, to be, do, and have more. I feel that I can’t live as I am, and I often feel trapped and stuck in the present.
Can I have a strong sense of who I am and not be afraid of change?
Some people tie their sense of self to a great yearning to explore and grow, and find that change is no longer the enemy.
What if the essence of each of us is the yearning to learn, to grow, and to build?
Is my life a painting of great moments?
In each moment, I have the opportunity to build a world greater than we’d ever imagined was possible.
And I do this by helping myself, my friends, and everyone I meet.
Any change that helps me grow as a person is a friend.
Any change, any challenge can help me grow as a person,
whether it’s pleasant or not.
Enemy or Advisor?
Why is death always thought of as an enemy, as an evil and cruel force?
Maybe it’s because so much pain and suffering is associated with death.
Maybe it’s because those of us left behind sometimes suffer in our loneliness.
Or maybe, it’s because death challenges us to wake up, in a way that nothing else can.
Some belief systems ask us to develop an awareness of death,
So we feel the urgency to act now, not tomorrow.
There’s a lot of power to the feeling of NOW,
The feeling that I have to live, and do the things that are important to me in the present moment.
But there’s another way to befriend death, and make him a trusted advisor that whispers to us throughout our lives.
If we admit to the truth of death, that dramatic change will happen at the end of our lives,
What’s to stop us from seeking wonderful, dramatic change every moment?
Ready or not, change is coming.
Why not become experts in change while we’re alive?
I’m not an advocate of the “eat, drink, and be merry for tomorrow we die” philosophy.
That’s a life full of pleasure, but empty of meaning.
And it assumes that we’re going nowhere.
Death seems like the ultimate change, the ultimate transformation.
We cheat death by following his advice and welcoming change in the midst of life.
Ask yourself the question: “Do I have any idea of the growth that’s possible for me, right here, right now?”
What if the end of my life is only a little change when compared with the changes I can make while I’m alive?
Now is the time to find out.
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